Now for the classified cricket results: Australia 5-0 England. Congratulations to Darren Lehmann and his coaching staff, congratulations to Michael Clarke and the other ten mightily impressive individuals who wore their Baggy Green caps with honour and did their country proud.
They batted positively, with purpose and deliberate aggression; they took the game to the opposition bowlers and knocked them off their lengths, before knocking them to all parts of the ground. Ten centuries to the opposition’s one. As for the bowlers they followed their plans, hitting a fuller length consistently, pegging back the English batsmen with sheer pace, before strangling them with their discipline. The fielders helped too, snaffling a good ninety per cent of the catching opportunities offered their way, backing up their bowlers perfectly.
As for England, this is rock bottom. A 5-0 whitewash in a series they were expected to win. Having won the last three Ashes series, there was hope from the travelling fans that this might be a famous fourth victory, a win to confirm England’s dominance over their old rivals.
However, the tourists were utterly outclassed in every match, every department and in every possible way. From the moment they were outplayed in the opener at The Gabba, with Jonathan Trott returning home due to a stress-related illness, it looked as if things could continue to get worse; and they did. England’s batsmen had no answer to the pace of Mitchell Johnson, the skill of Ryan Harris, the persistence of Peter Siddle and the wile of Nathan Lyon. This record-breaking team became the very first England side to lose all one hundred wickets in an Ashes series. What an incredible achievement, a horrendous low.
For this was perhaps the most devastating aspect of the series, the fact that it was at the very least supposed to be a contest. But no, England were completely annihilated by the Australians. 381 runs, 218 runs, 150 runs, 8 wickets and 281 runs were the margins of victory in the five matches.
England failed to even run their opponents close; they failed to make their challengers work for even one of their five victories. Are there enough words in the English language to describe how bad they were? Words for performances so pathetic, pitiful and feeble; a defeat so crushing, humiliating and devastating, from a team so incompetent, abysmal and inept. They say you can’t become a bad team overnight, but somehow England did. Having comfortably won 3-0 in the summer, they lost the war in extraordinary fashion.
From Ashes conquerors, to Ashes captives. English heroes meekly surrendered their swords, spears and bows of burning gold. Not even the Barmy Army’s resounding performances of Jerusalem could inspire their side into battle. England’s typical resistance was replaced by submission.
Alastair Cook’s mind was scrambled and his batting subsequently disintegrated. Kevin Pietersen took an almighty battering; he looked out of sorts with the bat, out of ideas and was without his trademark swagger. Matt Prior’s miserable run of form continued, as his lack of runs combined with some sub-standard wicket keeping saw him lose his place to Jonny Bairstow.
Graeme Swann was frequently targeted by the Australian batters and retired shortly after defeat was confirmed. Jimmy Anderson toiled with little reward, his powers of swing deserting him. Only Stuart Broad and new boy Ben Stokes showed any resilience. Only they will return home with their pride still intact.
What next then for England? The one-day series provides an immediate opportunity to amend their shortcomings, although even a few victories will not make up for the disappointment of such a catastrophic loss.
England must look within, work out how they allowed this to happen and make the necessary changes to make sure that it never happens again. Coach Andy Flower described this as the ‘end of an era’ for his underperforming team and stated that this “is a chance for some sort of renewal for the England national cricket team”.
If this were the English national football team, that renewal would inevitably involve the introduction of a new Head Coach and backroom staff. This will not happen here, as Flower is set to continue as team director with this woeful series following a spell of significant successes.
It is now the Zimbabwean’s job to try and rebuild this broken team, to get them ready for the visit of India and Sri Lanka this summer, before the Aussies return with the urn in 2015.